Acclaim & Disdain
Acclaim:
Recently in Germany, a teenager evaded seven police cars–how did he do this? In a go-kart. Yes, that’s right, German authorities were outwitted and out-driven by a teenager who had access only to a go-kart and a number of pathways become roads that only such a small vehicle could make it through. Certainly, this has been done in cars many times in movies, but to pull off such a feat in a vehicle that moves at only one third the speed of an automobile is impressive. I guess the Germans do have skills other than the extermination of peoples.
Disdain:
Oil prices recently reached a price of $91 dollars per barrel, to everyone’s dismay. Although Americans are paying a relatively high price for gas, Canada pays a whole lot more than we do. Good thing their dollar has exceeded ours in value, otherwise it’d be a real tragedy. Secretly, OPEC is sitting there rubbing it’s hands together, plotting its next move as they attempt to assassinate Al Gore—the human incarnation of global warming itself. Maybe that’s the solution. Shut him up so he releases less carbon dioxide, that way the oil companies can have us by the balls that much longer!
Acclaim:
The Virgin Mary seems to appear just about everywhere these days. In fact, just recently, a pebble with the likeness of the Virgin Mary was sold to the same woman who bought the piece of bread depicting the same figure. I’m just waiting for the day that someone finds a pile of dog feces and ’sees’ the likeness of the Virgin Mary. I do wonder, however, if they’ll be celebrated for discovering and preserving it, or if they’ll be subject to eternal damnation for comparing a popular religious figure to a pile of shit.
Disdain:
They are the educators of America. They babysit your kids while you are at work. They instill in students a basic understanding of English (very, very basic). You trust your kids with them—but can you? The answer is no. The involvement of teachers in sexual misconduct cases in this country is absolutely rampant. You’d think that background checks and overall personality evaluation would weed out creeps, but apparently not. To think, my seventh grade science teacher was convicted of statutory rape. Way to exploit and destroy the reputation of a profession that already gets far less respect than it deserves. I’m calling on the hiring process to be more strict, and for teachers considered ‘higher risk’ to be monitored more regularly. At least they don’t do it in a church, though.
Acclaim:
Congratulations to the Boston Red Sox in light of their impending World Series win. It’s about time someone showed that damnable Todd Helton and his Colorado Rockies that their thin air is responsible for most of their pop-flies turned home runs—not actual skill. I will say, however, that if this time, during the world series, anyone even so much as UTTERS the word ‘Bambino,’ some nature of organ will be skewered with a long, sharp object.