Formasual
A hybrid of formal and casual styles of dress, made popular by the fine folks of my generation—you know the type—usually very concerned about genocide in various places, as well as our effect on the planet with carbon emissions. Despite their qualms about such things, they are still perfectly content to support illegal labor in order to be such snappy dressers. At Starbucks, this becomes evident.
Today, my family displayed a completely American ritual—driving over 30 miles one-way to a store in order to purchase a picture frame. Yes, even at a time when gas prices are at their highest, we drove to Ikea and purchased a picture frame. Even better, my brother and his girlfriend followed us down in a separate car, further adding to the expression of excess that we hold so dearly. Following that same trend, we participated in the also very American (though more regionally Northwestern) ritual of getting coffee at Starbucks before embarking on the trip.
As we stepped inside, the usual Starbucks fare was in full force. Some sort of “Indie” music was playing softly in the background while a large queue had formed as people waited for their coffee. Standing there, I desired a water, and was compelled to buy a bottle of the “Ethos” water, whose root word seems to be similar to ‘ethical,” which required further examination. Upon further investigation, I realized that some amount of money from the sale of that bottle would go toward bringing fresh water to a third world country. I also noticed that the bottle held 23.7 ounces of water, to which I responded, “Maybe if they had just made it 20 ounces, they could give the extra 3.7 ounces to someone who fucking NEEDS it.” The obsession we have with water in this country is unbelievable. People in the desert need 20 ounces of water in one sitting, not people in greater Western Washington area. The high today was 43 degrees. Stop giving 5 cents to these people from every bottle of water you sell, and actually give them what they need—the water we’re going to piss away anyway.
But I digress. What sparked this rant was the man sitting at a table in the Starbucks, talking to his friends. It had to do with what he was wearing. On first glance, he looked respectable. He had a light blue button-down shirt with a neatly pressed collar, with a dark blue tie for contrast. As he sat there, he sipped his coffee and carried on as a part of the seemingly intellectual conversation that was occurring. So I went back to reading the menu, not put off any more than usual. Bored with waiting for the coffee, my dad and I went to the car to wait for my mom. As we waited, this same man in the tie exited, and when the sunlight hit him, I began to get very angry. I hadn’t noticed before how unshaven the man was. He clearly hadn’t shaven in some time, nor gotten a haircut, because he looked similar to some nature of Wire Hair Terrier, which I find annoying and unprofessional. Beyond that, he was wearing distressed JEANS, into which his button-down shirt was not TUCKED. I couldn’t believe the audacity of this fucker. I know that my generation is into irony, but this is ridiculous. Stop taking two ENTIRELY different things and making a “clever” fusion of them. FORMAL and CASUAL should NEVER go together, although they mesh seemingly well as the word “formasual.” The same applies for all of these hippie artists who seem to think that you can have a “traditional yet contemporary piece.” No you fucking can’t, they’re the opposite. Go away with your irony, and learn how to dress. Either you dress a slob, or you dress a gentleman. There is no alternative. Next time you put on jeans, then think to put on a tie, hang yourself with it, please.
And for the love of God, drink some real coffee, you fucking pansy.