Rantdown 2008
Well, it’s the new year which means it’s time for the Rantdown! Because we now only have two writers and we haven’t been flooding the Internet with insightful and compelling writings as regularly as in the past, the Rantdown will be restricted to just five rants. But I promise, they are good ones. So here it is, Rantdown 2008.
5. The Great American Slut-Off
A true return to form, The Great American Slut-Off was my first rant after a lengthy hiatus from writing. It was inspired by the same principles that have fueled Exreality since its conception: blatant stupidity, sexual innuendo, and a complete lack of courtesy. I think this rant captured brilliantly the true essence of Halloween in America, and it does a lot to address the nuances that dictate why the United States is hated so universally. That said, the holiday delivered as promised, and my bag of eye candy nearly burst at the seams. I look forward to next year, as I’m suspecting that someone will take my advice and go as the ‘Slutty Black Lady from the Honey Bunches of Oats Commercials.’
4. Politicking (American Style)
A personal favorite of mine, this rant describes the hilarity of the 2008 presidential campaign quite well. From smear tactics to outright slander, it was quite the election, and we will never forget shadow’s rant about it. Who knew that a man who was once compared to Paris Hilton due to his celebrity status would currently be planning to become the most powerful man in the world? Certainly not the McCain campaign, which banked on Obama’s inexperience tanking the campaign. What they didn’t take into account was that hope and promise might actually prevail in government for once. Shadow revealed the childish nature of politicking, McCain tried to exploit it, and Obama successfully ignored it. It would seem that America is ready to grow up and get serious about government, given the decisive victory.
3. Hate Crimes, Impromptu Rallies, and Why I STILL Hate People
It is with an undying passion that shadow chronicles the stupidity and ignorance of agricultural students and their flaky liberal counterparts in this borderline unbelievable rant. First, the absurdity of such a hate crime in the current social and political situation. Second, a shabbily organized protest by a bunch of limp wristed liberals with about as much influence as an infantile marsupial. Third, a fiery and intense hate for both groups for generally sucking at life and either acting or responding inappropriately. Those three things are how a rant is inspired. And shadow showed us how a rant is written.
2. McCain: A Maverick in a Sea of Drones
This wasn’t a rant so much as a method of calling out the members of partisan politics from the 21st century. John McCain may have lost the election, but his participation helped to make this country stronger and lead it into what will hopefully be a bipartisan future. His simpler-minded followers need to take a lesson from him and the moderates who supported him and embrace America’s ability to govern itself with level-headedness and logic, not the usual partisan rhetoric.
1. Planned Parenthood: Not an Abortion Clinic
This was my favorite rant of the year. I was truly put off by this subject, and had to take a stand against the ignorance and idiocy that was taking place in my town. Stop demonstrating with stupid signs that misrepresent an issue. Use some common sense in forming opinions. Stop forcing your morals down my throat. I believe there was an 11th commandment based on solely on my experiences with these types of demonstrators: “Thou shalt not stop spewing outdated religious propaganda.” And they follow it to the letter.
And so there you have it, another year passed at Exreality. Sure, we wrote fewer rants than usual. But we had our best month traffic-wise, had five outstanding rants worthy of the Rantdown, and have no intention of stopping. Thank you to shadow for his continued contributions to the site. They may have been few and far between this year (and understandably so), but when they came, it was in a big way. He continues to be an integral component of the fabric of Exreality. And of course thank you to our readers, who have hung in there with us through the good and the bad in 2008.