Attack of the Blog: Clichés Abound
You may not remember me, I’m shadow. I write for the site on occasion and recently I’ve went deep under cover to find a source of distortion in this world. Not even my good friend distorted knew I was doing research for a rant, hopefully this finally being posted is a pleasant surprise. Recently I’ve been on YouTube, which has fallen far from YouTopia as I’ve wrote about long ago. This article, written more than a year after the corporations demanded YouTube remove copy-righted material from it’s website, focuses on the wide range of crap that has filled the void left by the removal of intellectual and humorous material.
Welcome to the internet age. This is an era where we can watch whatever the hell we want whenever we want it. Unfortunately, the pioneer of this way of thinking was forced to remove the content we actually care about, so we scour to places like tvlinks where we can find tv shows that have been illegally copied, translated, and posted by the Chinese on their own version of YouTube. Now this may sound good, but you have to remember that the Chinese are evil. They put lead in toys, they’re over populating the planet, and they still stick to an outdated form of socialism that one day may make them the ruling empire of the planet. So I naturally assume that I have exposed my computer to so many viruses it would make a street walker blush. Nonetheless, it’s better than the crap that I have been finding on YouTube as of late.
In the beginning, YouTube consisted of pirated copyrighted material, hilarious viral videos, and the occasional comedic skit that took a group of 5 friends 3 months to record and edit. Now it’s flooded with attention whore video blogs, anime music videos, and a plethora of baby animals acting cute. Anime music videos and useless cute animals being cute I have nothing against. If you want to waste your time cutting together clips of a cartoon you watch in Japanese as a tribute to a series that most likely is just another collection of big breasted women wearing skimpy clothing, then more power to you. Likewise, if you feel like taping your small and cute animal and posting it on the internet, all I ask is that you don’t send it to a female with my AIM screen name or else I’ll be tormented by an onslaught of videos I don’t really care about and inevitably just say “aww” to. Both of those pale in comparison to the newest craze that is taking over the site: girls video blogging.
Video blogging, or “vlogging” as some call it, isn’t new. Ever since the first webcam was capable of recording video there have been those that think that they are important enough that people actually want to listen to what they’re saying while watching them say it. It almost managed to vanish the off the face of the net, but much to my dismay it has made a resurgence with the widespread purchases of Apple laptops with built-in webcams. Now, every tween to twenty-six year-old girl is capable of recording their inane chatter and posting it to the web. What they don’t realize is that the only reason they have a viewing audience is because they wear a low cut shirt and are relatively attractive, thus luring perverts across the web into watching and listening to something that to me, just sounds like squawking.
Above is an example of one of the things I DON’T CARE ABOUT! Twilight, a book about vampires that get shiny and handsomer in the sunlight, is now an national movie sensation for girls between the ages of 12 and 24. Really? Since when in the vampire mythos does sun NOT kill a vampire? And since when DO I CARE what an emo girl thinks? Other than stopping you from cutting yourself to death, I probably wouldn’t listen to what you say. I don’t care about life stories, I don’t care about what you think about a movie that I don’t care about, and finally I don’t care about seeing you while you complain about things. The following is two more “vlogs” that furthers my point of how stupid and pointless these things are.
What happened to good old fashioned blogging? Where a man can rant and complain and I don’t have to constantly reminding myself to look the video in the eyes. If these “vlog” girls had any substance to their complaints or blog, they wouldn’t need to lure people in with their feminine wiles. That finally brings it back to us here at Exreality, we may not be the most consistent with our rants, but we are still here. We only want to bring you excellence in our work, or at least something slightly more intellectual than talking about our hair or shoving our cleavage in your face. And while a little motorboating might sound good to you, our rants are meant for your mind. When it comes down to it, vlogging is made by attention deprived girls for lonely 35 year old males living in their parents’ basement. Exreality, well are rants our intended to open your minds to the evils in this world. Hopefully you’re apart of the better demographic, but if not we appreciate you reading this in between the latest ijustine posts.