Exreality.NET

It seems to be very difficult for some people. It’s not limited to students either. Professors are some of the most common offenders when it comes to communicating poorly in a classroom situation. In the first half of my rant I will focus on my biology professor, then I will delve into some of the annoying things that students do when they attempt to participate in classes. Stay close while I take you on this exciting roller coaster ride, which ends in the car stalling at the lowest possible point, and me questioning why some people are allowed in college, students and professors alike.

Part I. The Biology of Incoherence
I still have trouble understanding how people, professors specifically, can be so knowledgeable about complex scientific processes but yet lack so stupendously the skills necessary to effectively pass their knowledge on to others. Take my biology professor as an example. What does he do specifically to make learning virtually impossible?

The over-use of analogies is a big concern. The man uses an analogy for everything. He has used the Three Bears analogy to describe a number of intermediate compounds. If you say something is ‘just right,’ it’s unlikely that we need you to tell us a fairy tale explaining to use what a MIDDLE-GROUND is. We are college students after all. Sometimes, you just want someone to tell you how something is, not use 10 different examples to explain why it’s like something you encounter in your every day life, because it isn’t after all, something you ENCOUNTER IN YOUR EVERY DAY LIFE. But you can get past the analogies most of the time. Well, except the one time where he used an analogy to compare the numbers 2 and 36. Sir, you don’t need an analogy. That’s what our NUMBER SYSTEM is for. The difference between 2 and 36 is 34, quite literally. I don’t need some cutesy example to understand this.

Then there is the academic tangent. This man is guilty of going off on them at least a dozen times each day in class. He’s constantly saying things like “we’ll cover this in more detail later,” and “you’ll get a lot more of this in other courses.” He also likes to throw extremely advanced words and concepts out with minimal explanation, further complicating the clusterfuck that is biochemistry. We don’t need to be introduced to concepts we cannot understand at this juncture in our education. That’s what UPPER LEVEL COURSES ARE FOR, specialization. If I want to know what’s covered in future courses, I’ll consult the goddamn COURSE CATALOG. Furthermore, no one is impressed by the “throwing out” of jargon, nor 50 instances of the statement “well, anyhow…” as lecture is resumed. Such tangents make retaining any of the material from lecture virtually impossible. Stop being a blowhard.

The man also likes to use several phrases REPEATEDLY, at all times. When talking about biological theories that conflict, he will usually say, “here’s the rub.” Listen, I understand what he means, but I have to say I’ve NEVER heard this figure of speech, and I’ll be damned if I ever hear it again. He also likes to use the term “bug-a-boo” in the same context. As I said earlier, the man says, “well, anyhow…” dozens of times per lecture, and you start to get a bit distracted by all of his extraneous crap after a while. It makes focusing on the lectures an extremely daunting task. He also likes to “just throw out there” that he’s a microbiologist, and that he likes to think of microbiology as “the original cell biology,” whatever the fuck that means. Get off your damn pedestal. You were only recently promoted to professor after over a decade of being an assistant professor. I think they were a little premature in said promotion. You can have your position back when you stop being obnoxious and become respected in your field, which we all know isn’t currently the case.

I could go on for pages about this guy, but then I’d lose the will to live. Being in his lectures for 50 minutes a day is bad enough, but recounting the horrifying experience for any more than a few paragraphs is 1000 times worse. I truly pity anyone who has this particular professor for biology. Well, more than I pity a normal cellular and molecular biology student. What a horrifyingly complex and unsatisfying academic field.

Part II. Participating Intelligently
It seems that most students are incapable of this feat. I appreciate that students want to participate and further extend their learning by asking the really tough questions, but there are a few things that I want to point out here.

First of all, speak up. I’m tired of people who ask a lot of questions in class, but do so with the authority of the local neighboorhood watch program, comparatively speaking. Asking questions quietly and then getting a loud response with no paraphrasing by a professor is one of the most confusing and counter-productive things that happens in the classroom. You end up trying to use the professor’s response to understand what the original question was, and in doing so effectively learn nothing because you’ve neither heard the question nor paid enough attention to the professor’s response to gain any actual knowledge.

Then there’s what I’ve deemed the “academic stutter.” Many times you’ll hear individuals with doctorates speak, and when they do so, they tend to pause a lot and ponder what they’re going to say next. During those short pauses they are filing through their mental library, trying to find the words to describe the concept that they want to articulate. It can sound like a stutter as they repeat words as filler. This is acceptable when people with doctorates do it. When douche bag looking third-year college students do it, it simply sounds like they have a speech impediment. Listen, stop stuttering, because it doesn’t make you seem smart. I will believe that you’re smart when you have a degree. Until then, speak like a normal fucking human being.

And finally, and perhaps most interestingly, there is always that one “hippie liberal douche” (to reference South Park) who is just the biggest dick in your class. He’s the type of guy with the dirty blonde facial hair and the constant air of self-satisfaction. He’s usually the first person to criticize people in the class for asking stupid questions. In fact, just today, the teacher was asking for our feedback on the course, and this kid had nothing but negative things to say. I was somewhat amused the other day however, when the guy in question was presenting a scientific paper he had read to the class. During his presentation he used the word “reitalize” (which isn’t a word, I know) in place of “reiterate.” Why do I find this amusing? Because he looked like the type of guy who would start up some kind of grassroots Obama rally, and as a result was probably one of those dicks who made fun of George Bush and his “Bush-isms.” Well good sir, it appears you would have just created your own version of the “Bush-ism,” but I will call your version the “douche-ism.”

There is so much more that I could go into on this, but I don’t have the time necessary to write the 100 page rant that this could so easily be. Right now I’m off to my final biology lecture, let’s hope I can handle one more day of the torture. If not, you may find me dead in my bathroom sometime in the near future. If I make it through maybe I’ll continue this little rant as little specs of time become available.