I’m Vomiting Sunshine Whoa, and Don’t It Feel Good?
Have you ever met a shiny happy person? Maybe you are a shiny happy person (although not likely if you’re at this site). Well this rant is dedicated to all you naïve bubbly optimists out there and everyone who has ever come into contact with you.
Yes, you may have noticed that out of the two writers on this site, I am the more optimistic. I have faith in humanity, but at the same time I have the ability to read people, to judge them, and because of that talent I know when to be optimistic and when someone will just let me down. I believe in humanity as a whole, but I back it up with logic and know that we are far from being perfect. That is an extreme contrast to shiny happy people, who feel that they should be all smiles and bubbly, even to adulterers (and you were wondering how I’d work something from my last 10 Things into this). Ok, it is nice to receive an unwarranted on occasion, but when you pass by the same person everyday and smile, eventually it gets weird if you don’t say hi. And then when you start to say hi instead of just smiling, you start to ask how their day is going, and eventually you know this person so well all because they just would not stop smiling at you. The only problem is, you don’t know their name because even if they had told you it once in passing, you automatically erased it from your memory because you know you could never be friends with someone who is so overtly happy that it’s annoying. So when you see this shiny happy person somewhere else, most likely from behind you’re unable to say hi since you cannot address them without sounding like an inconsiderate douchebag. Moral of this tale: when someone else is super nice, eventually you become a douche, even if you don’t want to be.
One has to wonder, where do these shiny happy people come from? Well obviously, they’ve either been really well raised and are extroverted, or someone touched them inappropriately as a child which led to a life of constantly having to reassure everyone else that they’re fine even to people they don’t know, and obviously they’re not fine. But their cry for help has buried their emotional problem so deeply that you’ll never be able to get to the bottom of it until 3 years into your marriage when the two of you start to do the kinky stuff because your sex life is slowly becoming stale. That one night she begs you to be a forceful older uncle triggers some latent memory that has been suppressed for so long that she proceeds to have a mental breakdown and eventually must be committed. And that is unfortunately the source of shininess.
I’m not saying shiny happy people should go away. In fact, they brighten people’s day. Just know beforehand that forming a relationship with one will just result in something horrible, and you’ll never see it coming until it’s too late. Because a person that pretends they don’t have baggage, always has a cart load hidden from plain sight.